 Joe M |
I -like a lot of Alcoholics- have hit the first step many times, well fell down the step is more like it many many times. I lacked the desire to stop, I was spiritually sick and no amount of Alcohol was enough oblivion. I had no faith in God, I had lost my sons, their mother, and most of my family. I had been laid very low by Alcohol. And then this happened: I had went dry for almost 2 months, and I was doing it for my sons and their mother -I realize now that this was wrong, and I should have done it for me- Having taken some time away from one another my sons mother started dating someone very seriously in a very short time (under 2 weeks) and this upset me. But I held on and didn\’t drink. Being a glutton for self torture -like most of us Alcoholics- I decided to find this guy on Facebook, and when I did BAM! there are pics of this guy and my 1 year old together, like he is the Father. Well I don\’t have to tell you I got very upset and very very drunk, I spent several days drunk calling and terrorizing my sons mother and her father. I ended up at .35% BAL when I finally got to detox, they said it was pretty impressive I was still alive -prideful drunk I was proud I could \”take it\”. Over the next 72 hours I began to sober up and for the first time for as long as I can remember I had a great and powerful clarity in which I could clearly see all of my past misdeeds, the pain I had caused, the relationships I had ruined, and, the hearts I had crushed in the name of this progressive and debilitating disease I suffered from. No one was innocent, I had cut a bloody swathe through every person I had ever cared about or whom had cared about me. The emotional and mental agony was blinding, and in my worst moment I called out for help, anything to take this pain away. Someone heard me, and in a few moments I felt a difference in the pain, it ebbed, not disappearing, but becoming more manageable. I went to a meeting on the 16th, and I have gone one (usually 2) every day. I understand now that it was God that came to me and lifted my burden enough for me to shoulder it with his help, and God has some big shoulders ya\’ll, and he will lend them to you, you need only ask. I also want to note, that I no longer hold resentment for the man with my sons mother, he is not a drunk or a drug addict, and he is doing the right thing with my kids and their mother, something that alcohol prevented me from doing for so long. In short, after sharing this story in my last meeting I have exchanged that hate for gratitude. If you read this, and are either already thinking or starting to think you have a problem than PLEASE goto a meeting, just try it out, you don\’t even have to talk, no one is gonna preach to you or tell you that your wrong or different. The strength I have gained from the rooms in such a short time is amazing, combined with the power of God I will be able to live a life free of Alcohol and be able to minimize my insanity by not adding Alcohol to the mix. Thank you for letting me share, and may God be with you all. -J
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 marc |
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